tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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