you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize