So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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