Define "chronic" masturbator.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
