Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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