You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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