last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
