so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
