the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
