my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
