So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
