Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
