you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize