I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
