Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
