that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think I am morally bankrupt
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize