Where did you get a picture of my penis
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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