Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
