dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
