I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
