I CAN MOONWALK!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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