Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
