3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
kristin has been a bad kristin
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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