Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
