im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
