I hate your face
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Couch. On fire.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
