im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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