You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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