Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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