with your own penis?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize