I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
