she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
