And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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