You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
