obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
