Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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