Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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