1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
