i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
