I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I faked an abortion last night.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
