but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
