yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
