I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
