god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think my tv is drunk
this just has baby written all over it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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