the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize