i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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