party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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