so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She bit a glass in half.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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