Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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