dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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