please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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