I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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