I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
