hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
