Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
