Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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