checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
