im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
