3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
