If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
