Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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