I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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