Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
