No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
