My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
