Define "chronic" masturbator.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
