so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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