i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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