He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize