I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
