JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
