So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize