Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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