I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
