somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
