My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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