Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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