Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
