I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
