Soap is not a condiment
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
