How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
