You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
