i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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