I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Found your dick twin last night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
