I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize