saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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