eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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