ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
