i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
