idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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