I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize