I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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