Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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