It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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