My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
