He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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