it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
