I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
