I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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