barbara walters just said penis...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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