If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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