Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
