wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
