how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
