Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
