i just had sex bonerless
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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