The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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