Im at strip club and am horny
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she looked like the before picture.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
