I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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