I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
