Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
