U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
