I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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