When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
