I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
