I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
